The War On Solstice is Here

Last week, I urged you all to Fight Back against the war on solstice.

Today is your final day to do battle. I gave a list of ways you can fight against the anti-solstice forces and ended with the traditional pagan litany:

Never give up.

Never surrender.

Today, I will give you your final orders. You have a mere twenty-one hours to make this happen until the official time of solstice.

Your task is now simple.

It is to fight for the solstice and to achieve final solstice victory by any means necessary.

The time for letter-writing is past.

The time for picketing is past.

Now, it is merely war.


To go into battle, you merely need three things:

The wisdom of righteousness

Remember: you are the only people who are right on this. Everyone else is either a heathen, a blasphemer, or otherwise unsuitable. You are not wrong. You can do no wrong. As long as the gods tell you what to do, you can do no wrong, and will be held harmless for all acts you conduct in the name of Solstice.

This, of course, applies to the *right* gods. Make sure you don't pick the wrong ones, or we're all screwed. And really, there's a whole lot of them. So be careful. But once you're sure you've got it right, pursue your goals with all due zealotry and obliviousness to any belief but your own.

The power of numbers

Get your neighbors, your friends, your postal workers and your UPS delivery person to help you out with this. And trust me, once you tell those last two that that you're fighting back against Christmas, they'll be right on board. No one hates Christmas more than UPS unless its the US Post Office. If anyone seems skeptical, tell them you're going out caroling. Sometimes the best way to fight Christmas is to pretend to support it, and then go in for the kill.

Torches

Remember the snowmen? Torches are great for repelling the forces of the turncoat snow traitors. They're also good for burning down manger scenes, non-chemically treated wreaths, non-artificial "Christmas" trees and the vehicles of the anti-pagan forces. Plus, there's nothing more exciting than an angry mob with torches. Gets the solstice blood flowing.

You are now equipped to fight back against the war on solstice.

Attack.

Attaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!